Is It “Gauche” To Ask For A Room Upgrade You’re Entitled To?

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Earlier this year, on a visit to the JW Marriott Hong Kong, I found myself at the front desk politely requesting a room upgrade my Platinum status entitles me to (per Marriott’s own rules). I posted this fact in my review of the property and a reader commented that he agreed with my stance but that a poster on Flyertalk had said that requesting an upgrade was “gauche” (even if it’s an upgrade you’re entitled to).

I was upgraded to a corner suite at the Marriott West India Quay In London – I didn’t have to ask for it

That word now appears to have been removed from the Flyertalk thread being referenced, but I still think the questions stands.

Is requesting a room upgrade that a hotel rewards program says you’re entitled to gauche?

A quick Google search shows that a common definition of gauche is “unsophisticated and socially awkward” so, to answer the question without any further delay I’m going to say no.

No, asking for an upgrade that you’re entitled to isn’t in itself a gauche thing to do.

There are definitely ways of asking for a room upgrade that are gauche (I see these quite often – usually from people who have far too high an opinion of themselves and don’t know how to behave in polite society) but that doesn’t make the actual asking for an upgrade a gauche act.

CJKatl from Flyertalk has this take on the situation:

I know others do this, but yes, IMO, standing at the front desk groveling for an UG is unseemly. In fifteen years as a Marriott Plat/PP/LTP I have never done it. It would never occur to me to demand a better room I didn’t pay for. While I appreciated UGs and twice in fifteen years, way over a thousand stays, called ahead of time to see if I could get one, I would think a hotel wouldn’t be bending over backwards for a guest after the guest made such a demand at check-in. One is both claiming importance and accusing the FD clerks of fibbing. Maybe they are, but to actually accuse them of this short of 100% proof is wrong, IMO, since you do not know for sure.

I’m going to break that paragraph down and comment on the various statements:

• “[S]tanding at the front desk groveling for an UG is unseemly“

Yes, grovelling is definitely unseemly, but who said anything about grovelling. Asking ≠ grovelling

• “In fifteen years as a Marriott Plat/PP/LTP I have never done it.”

If you don’t want to ask for what you’re entitled to that’s absolutely fine and your choice.

• “It would never occur to me to demand a better room I didn’t pay for.“

I’m starting to see a pattern appearing here. So far we’ve had words like “grovelling” and “demand” being used in this argument and there are ways of asking for a room upgrade that involve neither.

In fact no one with an ounce of self-respect would ever “demand” an upgrade or “grovel” for one, but that doesn’t mean they can’t ask for one politely.

Also, the whole point of elite status is to give travelers (with such status) things they didn’t pay for. If you were only ever given what you pay for wouldn’t you start wondering where the benefit to having status was?

• “While I appreciated UGs and twice in fifteen years, way over a thousand stays, called ahead of time to see if I could get one“

Ahhhhh, ok. So calling ahead to ask for a room upgrade is neither “demanding” or “grovelling” and is ok, but asking at the front desk is both of those things and somehow not ok? How does that work?

• “I would think a hotel wouldn’t be bending over backwards for a guest after the guest made such a demand at check-in. One is both claiming importance and accusing the FD clerks of fibbing. Maybe they are, but to actually accuse them of this short of 100% proof is wrong, IMO, since you do not know for sure.“

There’s the use of the word “demand” again where no one is suggesting that anyone “demands” anything (classic straw man argument).

If you approach the point courteously there should be no suggestion that you’re “claiming importance”, and asking if there is a chance of a room upgrade is not the same as accusing the front desk clerk of fibbing.

Moreover, as I explained in my review, had I needed it I did have proof that an upgrade should have been forthcoming and I see absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t present such proof if required.

Why is anyone assuming that travelers have no proof that an upgrade should be offered?

Here’s my take on the whole “asking for a room upgrade” thing:

I’ve never “demanded” a room upgrade or “grovelled” for one, but I have definitely asked for one.

We, as guests, make the following deal with Marriott: We spend a lot of nights at Marriott’s properties and, in return, when there’s available space Marriott upgrades us to a better room than we’ve paid for. It’s quite simple.

So, when I’ve kept to my side of the deal (I have Lifetime Titanium status so I believe that qualifies as “spending a lot of nights”) I expect Marriott to keep to its side too. I’m not asking for anything I’m not entitled t, in fact I’m playing by rules that Marriott has set out, not me.

If Marriott doesn’t like the rules it is more than capable of changing them.

If people are happy to put the effort in to get status and then not receive the benefits of that status then that’s their choice, but I don’t see why travelers should go without benefits they’ve earned just because a hotel doesn’t follow the rules of a rewards program.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about asking for a room upgrade and asking the wrong way can indeed be gauche, but not asking for something you’ve been told you’re entitled to is, in my opinion, more than a little foolish.

Lastly, if you want proof that sometimes you have to ask for the room upgrade here it is:

I had back-to-back stays at JW Marriott properties in Asia earlier this year and on both stays the property was offering rooms for sale that the Marriott Bonvoy program says a Titanium member should be upgraded into (subject to availability). On both stays the property did not process the upgrade until I requested it (politely) at check-in.

Does anyone else have an opinion on this?